Between Maps and Meaning

It’s the first day, in the first month, in the year albatross came to the south-western halls (small ode to Piranesi). Really this is the year I’ve decided to let my mind and heart rest. There’s no such reason why I should continue to worry myself with things out of my control. Also, my vision is so small in comparison to the God I serve. Now I’m no fool, I realize God may send me down some roads that will in a way be to build up my character. Who am I to question him. I have no desire or am trying to have no desire for an “easy happy” life. I know struggle and pain are useful tools. For God, but also selfishly to make myself something I can stand to be around. This year though I am seeking God’s peace. No more worry or unneeded heartache.

As I begin to look towards the new year it does not feel like a new year. It feels like a fight with rounds that never end… just… continuing on. I’m ok with some tough times, but Lord knows I need to feel his peace this year. I’ve tried white knuckling my way through life and it really does not work for very long. I know for my own sake, sanity, and ability to live a long healthy life I need God’s peace.

How do I obtain this peace for myself this year? I could probably list off 10 things here very quickly but I’m not here to summarize information, well at least not tonight. For me I know this year I need to fully surrender to God and live in obedience to his will. It is hard for me to give up control, maybe for men in general I find that to be a common theme. This isn’t a battle I can win. I need the Lord and the only way he will give me his favor is when I fully surrender to his plan. This year I will focus on listening for him and acting on what He requires.

If there were ever a time to lock in it’s now. But not in the way I’ve been doing it. I need to lock in by locking myself out. Help me to do this so that I can be who you need and so I can rest in your peace. That is my prayer to start the year Lord, help me to rest, Amen.